So what has made me put finger to the keyboard today? Mainly I just want to whinge about myself. So feel free to skip this entire post and maybe head here where they have free worldwide shipping and some great savings on clothes instead!
I did a bad thing this morning. I weighed myself and lordy bigordy I did not like what I saw. Basically I've exceeded my entire planned weight gain for this pregnancy already. You know how when you have a dodgy week eating wise and you say to yourself "oh I've probably put on 2kgs this week" and then you weigh yourself to be pleasantly surprised it was only 1kg? Yeah well I knew I'd put on weight. Had to buy new undies for a start. And my clothes are getting tighter by the day. Oh and I'm eating like there's a food famine around the corner. Well guess what. I WASN'T pleasantly surprised by the scales, I was devastated.
What has become abundantly clear is this. I need a lapband. If it were gone, I'd be in some serious trouble. At the moment I have next to no fill in so it's as close to not having a lapband again as I can be. And I'm back to old tricks. When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm walking past the fridge, I eat. When I'm not hungry, I eat. When move to the left, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When it's a day ending with Y, I eat. You get the idea. Portions are bigger and carbs & chocolates are a staple. Not cool. I know I shouldn't be doing it but I am. Of course, if I could exercise a modicum of control I would never have got to 135kg in the first place but you would think after 2 odd years of living with the band, losing weight, being so close to goal, that I could manage to control myself for 9 months. Turns out not so much. And I couldn't be more disappointed in myself.
I made a step in the right direction at the beginning of the week - I bought yoghurt & weight watchers bars as snacks so I wouldn't eat chocolate at work. Well guess what? I've eaten the WW bars AND chocolate each day and the yoghurt is still in the fridge. I did manage to drag my arse to the gym for 30mins on Monday & Tuesday and Wednesday did 45mins pilates class (which my obliques are still aching from!). Hubby has cooked me chicken and vegies most nights for dinner but portions have been way too big. Add to that some icecream with topping and a myriad of other things during the day. I know it's not good. But I can't seem to get my head to make my hands stop it! So as I finish off my can of coke (yes I know!), all I can say is that I hope at some stage my brain will kick in. I bought some new boardies (size=massive) so hope to start water aerobics and some swimming next week. At least I can try to minimise the food damage by trying to keep up the exercise.
It's a constant fucking battle people.
I'm sorry you are having a tough time of it right now. Try to remember this is only a short period of time. When you have a healthy baby in your arms and you are feeling physically capable of tackling the weight, you will and your band will be there to assist you.
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard to keep this in mind as you see yourself going UP on the scales instead of DOWN. Do the best that you can now and then put it into over drive later when you are done being pregnant :). You are off to a great start with trying to make better food choices and move a bit here and there. In the end it will only benefit you and your baby.
I'm also a pregnant bandster early in her 2nd round with this situation. I'm here for you. You are not alone :).
Thanks for your comment Matilda. Trying to get in a better headspace this week!
ReplyDeleteYou are more thank welcome. It was my pleasure. We all need to have a little bit of support now and again. Hope the weekend did you some good. Tomorrow is a new day :).
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